The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
