I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
