I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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