well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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