so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
