it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
