Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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