Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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