I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
