Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
