We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
