Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
