Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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