Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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