on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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