I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
