So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
