Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
