i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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