It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
