my soul wont recognize me after tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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