i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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