sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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