Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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