I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
