I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
