i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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