started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize