I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
