Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
