I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
