he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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