I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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