he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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