plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
