When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
