No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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