So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
