I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
