we have pet lesbian snakes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
