I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
