your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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