Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
