Your face is a jimmy john
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
