your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
false alarm. still invincible.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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