don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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