it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
