you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sex in a hospital.. check
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
