Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
