see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
