Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
two words...techno handjob
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
