I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
