I'm so fucking centered right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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