I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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