Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
