I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
