Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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