Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
