I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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