We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
