Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
