butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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